relief

Amin

2009-01-12T08:55:00.000-08:00

Amin has become very sweet these days.
He is saying Bede all the time which means give it to me.
He is imitating our chores like praying(Namaz) or wiping the tables.
He loves music and dancing and he dances with every kind of music.
Whenever he saw an animal or a picture of an animal he says MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU so funny.

two become one

2009-01-09T11:23:00.000-08:00

One of them is trying to do her simple jobs during the day, cooking, washing, reading, smiling, walking, talking and she is nice and happy. she is hopeful. she thinks she has everything.

the other one is watching me all the time.
she is worried, depressed, she thinks about the past and the future, she is sad. she wants more, she wants to do more, she is not fulfilled, she is disappointed.

At some points, these two people become one. That is when I am really conflicted.

You are my Angle

2009-01-09T11:21:00.001-08:00

You are my angle
Whenever you sit beside me and hold my hand
Whenever you close your eyes and go to sleep.
And when you look far away saying nothing
I feel you are flying
Then I take your hand
I kiss your eyes
I look where you look, far away
I am flying too
With your wings

I am tired

2009-01-03T07:34:00.000-08:00

I am tired of waiting for something.
It is a long time that I am waiting for something to happen.
There was a lot that should happen for us to be able to go back to Iran.
The school, military service, renting the house, money issues...
And now it is almost done, but still there is one more thing to be finished. Citizenship...
and I dont know why I am so weak these days. I am not the strong person that I was before. I feel I dont have any more energy. I cant eat well, every night I have bad dreams and I dont feel happy.
Last night I dreamed of Maryam in my grandmas home , They have a big yard, it was like all the cartoons we watched when we were kids, the mother and the child running to each other and hugging each other at the end. I was running all the yard Maryam was running all the yard and calling me maman maman.

I am back

2008-12-10T13:59:00.000-08:00

Hi
I am back to my weblog. I was too busy to write anything here.
I went to Iran on October 1st and I came back to Canada on November 19th. I wnet to stay in Iran but I came back for the citizenship. To become the citizen of the country that I am leaving ...
Maryam is in Iran and she enjoyed staying there a lot. Amin is with me. We miss her a lot these days.
I go shopping some days and try to find something nice for her.
I also watch tv a lot and read a lot.
We went to the movie Australia, it was OK.

I like iran much more than here and I am counting the days to go back again.

IRAN

2008-09-14T20:34:00.001-07:00

I am going back to Iran, in two weeks.
To be honest I cant believe it myself. It is similar to when I was coming to Canada. I had strange feelings. Now again I have different feelings, mostly happy, hopefull,...
I dont have a lot of things to loose in Canada. If I had, maybe I was depressed.
But when I think I realise as I did not work for the last two years and I was concerned mostly about my family, so what do I loose? nothing really.
I had five interviews during last year and I could not get one damn job out of these five. I have started to seriously believe that my hijab is keeping me unsuccessfull for hunting a job. I dont like this fact but it is a reality. Although it is supposedly a free society and everything should be the same for different people and and different cultures, but you will see that this is not exactly true.

I have a short time to prepare for my BIG move.

Words

2008-08-13T12:13:00.000-07:00

Oh, It is a long time I have not written anything. I guess because my mother in law came to Canada for 50 days and I was busy and didnt feel up to write something.

We went to a few trips that was very fun. Niagara falls, Toronto and Ottawa.
Summer is really beautiful in Canada.

Amin is walking properly now and he also speaks a few words like maman baba bah bah ,Amin (his own name).
He immitates Maryam a lot and he is much more happy when Maryam is around him to paly,
although Maryam loves to go to daycare, her Teddy Bear Classroom.

difference between West and East

2008-06-06T14:37:00.001-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=89oS4SN4mNg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q0rK7b-yJ1o

Today is Amins Birthday

2008-06-03T09:18:00.000-07:00

Maryam and her precious drawings in her hands

2008-05-26T15:42:00.000-07:00

Not a very good week

2008-05-20T09:17:00.000-07:00

It is 20th of May.
There was a lot of bad news last week, a tornado in Burme, an earthquake in China
in Burme 78000 people died and in China 50000 till now.

Amin had a horrible cold last week too.
Ear infection, Eye infection, nonstop Fever.
Thank God I am alive and I dont work and I could keep on nursing him.

Maryam is going to Daycare and she is talking a lot with me and her father. She is very reasonable and she remembers every single sentence that I tell her at this age. So I have to be carefull. I say something to her and tomorrow she is telling me the same thing.
If I talk about fishing she wants to go fishing, If I talk about Iran she wants to go to Iran although she does not know exactly where is Iran.

And another funny thing, She likes the stuff that is advertised on the tv too.
like chocolates, potato chips and other junk foods.

Maryam and Flowers

2008-05-16T09:17:00.001-07:00

I am reading a book about Parenting and it really helped me. It is very amazing how much sometimes a book can help.

It is very beautiful now in Montreal after those months of snow.

This is a photo I got from Maryam in a street that is very close to our house.

Look how cute she is with these flowers that she loves. When 'I look at this photo I think God you are so generous to us and we still want more..!

walk

2008-04-14T13:01:00.000-07:00

I went for a long walk today. I went to the library to get some new books for Maryam. I also searched Jean Coutou, Pharmaprix and Maxi to see if there is anything on sale that we need and so I came back home with Amin's stroller full of stuff.
I bought Lysol disinfecting tissues from Maxi. It is called Lysol 4 in 1. It is really 4 in 1. It is the best name for it. I recommend it strongly.

South of Iran

2008-04-02T06:50:00.000-07:00

These are photos from south part of Iran, taken by my sister during Norouz.

sun and son

2008-04-02T06:39:00.000-07:00

Happy New Year
Happy 13 be dar
I did not write sooner because it was so cold here that it blew away all of my feelings for spring. Now, It is better. It is not snowing anymore, It is more rain and wind and sun, sun.
Amin is getting bigger and bigger, my big little son, son. :)
Amin started to go to daycare from this week. He was not very comfortable the first day, he is attached to me, but I am sure he will get used to it. This year we had a very good and new surprise from our families, something from my Parents and Keyvans parents for all of us.Guess what?
So I am happy and I think this year would be a very nice year hopefully.

March

2008-03-10T11:50:00.000-07:00

Today is March 10th.
10 days left from Winter.God knows when winter will leave Montreal. Sometimes it feels like it has always been winter.so long....
Maryam has started to show an interest to do household works. She loves to help me around the house. She is very interested in vacuum cleaning, cooking and making dinner table ready.
Amin is crawling fast and non stop, he has explored by himself all of the house including washrooms :)

code

2008-02-26T11:12:00.001-08:00

I finally finished my VXML code. It is for a Bulls and Cows Game. It is another version of Master Mind(fekre bekr).
So I made a voice application. I will show it to Excendia Inc.
Let see what will happen.

farsi font

2008-02-18T13:08:00.000-08:00

I killed myself to type in farsi,I cant.
I downloaded the farsi fonts and farsi keyboard. There is smt missing here.

Eli stone

2008-02-07T13:17:00.000-08:00

There is a Tv show that I like, Eli stone, and I have forgot which day it is shown.
Ther is also a song that I like Big girls dont cry and recently I knew the singer is the one who was singing my hump my hump.... Fergie
I guess she is progressing, at least in her own way. :)

Black, White

2008-02-01T10:40:00.000-08:00

In the morning, I was fast sleeping. I heard a lot of noise. I got up and saw many birds on the tree behind my room. The tree has no leaves on it, it is winter time. just the tree and the black crows ,many of them maybe 50, or 60, all shouting in the silence of the dawn.
I got scared. So scared and so black. I loved that tree, I think thats my tree, and I did not want those crew on it.

In the afternoon I looked at the same tree, no crow anymore, there is just white snow now ,a tender and beautiful snow. I feel better now.

2008-02-01T10:28:00.000-08:00

Here I am in Maryams room behind the compuetr , trying to write a code in VXML.
It is pretty hard for me to work at home these days. There were days that I could spend whole day writing codes and testing them at home but not anymore. It seems that the atmosphere of our home is changed. Our rooms were once full of papers and books and disks and …
Now it is full of toys and children’s puzzles and story books and …

I went to a job interview last week and I ended up writing a game for them. A game which is called Bulls and Cows

Fog in Montreal, snow in Iran

2008-01-07T18:59:00.000-08:00

Today I understood what a real Fog is, and I have to say It is beautiful in its own strange way.
K1 found his wallet in our car and thats a good news.
My parents are back from hajj and they say that they miss us a lot and they wish we were there these days. Do you know if you want to go hajj from Iran you have to register and then you have to wait for 15 years?!

I collected Amin's old clothes today and I realized how much he has grown, I dont know what to do with these clothes as I dont want to have any more children at least for the next 10 years and after that I am sure I would be too old to get pregnant again. I am happy that I have two kids, they are real friends and they love each other.

I was listening to the news podcast from BBC today and there was a report from Iran about the snow in different cities and I got upset from the fact that people could not express themselves and their feellings to the interviewer well, although they were speaking in Farsi their mother tongue. Is it because they are shy or maybe not very educated or maybe they are used to censur themselves.

2008

2008-01-01T07:40:00.000-08:00

Today is Tuesday and the first day of year 2008.
Actually I got have very depressed these days because you see all people are celebrating christmas and new year and ... it is not your christmas and your new year.
And it is cold now, we can not go out very much. The best was if I could go to Iran for a month or so. we will see,... maybe I go aftre all.

Amin has got 2 teeth now and he is eating well. He loves papers.
Maryam is talking farsi more now that she does not go to daycare. K1 lost his wallet last night. I hope someone returns it to him. It costs a lot with all the credit cards and driver license in it.

2007-12-14T08:53:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Maryam

Yesterday was Maryams Birthday, She is now officially 3 years old. We celebrated her birthday at her daycare. with a cake and some funny hats.

She was very happy about that and was shouting it is my birthday it is my birthday.

snow snow snow

2007-12-06T10:03:00.000-08:00

Today is friday and 7th of december. It is snowing this week all the time.whenever I look trough the window I see snow falling dwn. Maryam went to daycare for the first and last day of this week, she didnt go the other days because there was a nasty blast of snow here in montreal and the cleaning up is not yet finished. Amin has got a runny nose, this baby is so sensitive...
Last night we went to Maxi and just some food,fruit and a few grocery items added up to 160 dollars.are we eating too much?
Next week I scheduled my shift for a fulltime work and I will work 40 hours.
I have not been able to talk with my parents and I dont think I could do that for the month that they are in mecca.

I like to find some online book resources,does anyone know about a good website?

December

2007-12-03T07:08:00.000-08:00

Today is 3rd of december and Amin would be exactly 6 months old.

It is snowing from last night and I think it is more than 50 cm snow. Many of our friends are going to Iran for holiday. My parents are going to hajj this year.hajje vajeb :). I have to call my Mom and say fi amne allah.

yesterday we went to Angrinion mall and after that I went to work with a TimHortons coffee which kept me awake.

I like to work more but still I dont get a lot of shifts. I love making money and spending it, speciallay now that I have kids I love to make money and buy them the things that they like. For myself too, For k1 too. I like to have more pretty clothes , I think there is something more than wanting to have clothes when you go shoping ,I think when you buy pricy dressess and wear them you feel more special and thats why people ,specially women spend a lot on clothes .

Anyway , I hope I can get a good job sometimes in the near future either here or in Iran. wherever I get a job that is my place.

monday afternoon

2007-11-26T10:33:00.000-08:00

I am trying to write in Farsi but I have not been able to do this yet.
I just have some farsi descriptions now in my blog, which I dont like,by the way.
Today is Monday, the first day of the week. it is a few weeks that I work only evenings. I am sitting in Maryams room now , on my right hand side is the window and I see lots of snow from here, It is white everywhere and I see a big big snowman balloon in the balcony of one of the apartments in our street
I have hearde a very cute massage on a answering machine at my work :

Hi
Dont be shy
Leave a massage

isnt it cute?!

Amin is sleeping, no wonder taht I am here and wrinting these stuff because he is awake I wont have time to do this. He is getting bigger and bigger and soon he would be bigger than Maryam I guess.
Maryam is going to daycare,she has learned a lot of rhymes. we sing together sometimes. If we are going to go back to Iran soon, maybe it is better I talk English with Maryam so that her English will be more complete and also I like her to get used to talk english with me so I can practice this manner at home in Esfahan. I might be able to find some english speaking friend for her too.

first snow

2007-11-20T05:53:00.001-08:00

Today we have the first snow.
It is white everywhere,Maryam was so excited that she forgot to ask for tv and she was very eager to go out to daycare with her dad.
I am going out too because I want to see Dr Cohen today. at 11:30.
Amin is sitting now and although he is very quite he is very active. he wants to garb everythign ,he did not let me finish alking with my mom yesterday because he was taking the phone out of my hand and putting it in his mouth.
I am trying to find a position in Azad university in Iran and I hope this time everything goes well.
I found an interesting site yesterday ,very interesting for me.
It was called jire ketab.

fall

2007-10-31T14:16:00.000-07:00

It is Holoween day today. We bought a custom for Maryam she is not back yet ,but I guess she will bring some candy home.
I went for a walk today and it was a very beautiful day.
beautiful fall.....

2007-10-29T12:19:00.000-07:00

I am not working today and thats good.
I worked on sunday .My job is sometimes very stressfull.I am now working at an opinion search company. everyday we work for 8 hours and we call people in US and Canada to have their ideas about different things.The projects are very different from politics to ..Tim Horton.
I still dont have a high productivity rate.I guess some part of it is because I have accent.So it should be good for my English.:)

I was very sad the last day at work that why I ended up here and I was afraid to see I am getting far from engineering.but considering the fact that I have a baby this job fits me,because I can work only 2 days and I am able also to work during weekends.
It would be good if I find a better job 7 months later when Amin is 1 year old.
I am searchin through the internet for jobs.I also meet annalise iten the counsellor at YES center(Youth Employment Service) to guide me through my job search.

talk

2007-10-24T12:57:00.000-07:00

I talked with my mother on the phone,I asked her to talk with my Uncles wife to see what is the best choice for me.
She said that we have to keep Amin far from from any cold (both cold weather and flu) and that means no daycare , no shopping malls ...
I am so hungry now.I have to eat and then namaz.

2007-10-24T11:52:00.000-07:00

Amin is sick
and my heart is broken.
He got sick on october 3rd,Then we took care of him and he was fine by october 10,
It is october 24th now and he is sick again.
He is too small to handle all these.
Doctor Kovacs says it is because of the daycare, he should not go to daycare until he is at least 1 year old.
We dont have any family here, so I have no choice except that I have to stay home more.
I will work only for 2 days while at that time k1 would be home with the kids.
It is hard but hey we can do it.

Now it is around 2 pm.I am making supper, Maryam is sleeping and Amin is in my arms.
I dont know why his condition is making me feel too much upset although it is cold it is not a seroius illness.
I have to pray god to make all children healthy and happy and to help mothers of the sick children to be stron.

history of religions

2007-10-24T11:47:00.000-07:00

I found this very interesting link
It is about the history of religions
see
http://www.mapsofwar.com/ind/history-of-religion.html

first post

2007-10-23T18:43:00.000-07:00

Hi
I started to write in my weblog for the first time tonight.I suppose it would be more like a diary.
recently I have realized that I dont remember many things that I would like to remember.like when did Maryam start to laugh loudly or when did she say the first word. like how did I feel when I put her in daycare. Now I have my son Amin too. Many times It happens to me that I think about my first child Maryam to know how can I make a decision based on my experience but I dont remember, and also I dont want to miss any more of their sweet memories.So I guess that is the main reason I made this blog.

Ok,now it is about 10 pm ,both Maryam and Amin are sleeping and K1 is out because he had to fix our car.I dont know when will he come back,he always calls me if he is too late or someting is coming up.Thats is very special for me because I get very stressed when I am waiting for somebody,why?I dont know.

Maryam is now 34 months and Amin is 4 months.
I love them so much .My love is growing everyday and specially from Amins birthday I feel so much like a mom.like two momy .I dont know if taht is making any sense. I mean like my motherly feelings are doubled and that is going to explode me sometime.
like I have been studied so long at school. I was so in the school that I cant explain it. Actually the fact that we are now in Canada far from Iran is because we wanted to study more and more. but many days I think maybe I like to stay with these kids until they are like 12 years of age and dont need me like before.