Amin

Amin has become very sweet these days.
He is saying Bede all the time which means give it to me.
He is imitating our chores like praying(Namaz) or wiping the tables.
He loves music and dancing and he dances with every kind of music.
Whenever he saw an animal or a picture of an animal he says MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU so funny.

two become one

One of them is trying to do her simple jobs during the day, cooking, washing, reading, smiling, walking, talking and she is nice and happy. she is hopeful. she thinks she has everything.

the other one is watching me all the time.
she is worried, depressed, she thinks about the past and the future, she is sad. she wants more, she wants to do more, she is not fulfilled, she is disappointed.

At some points, these two people become one. That is when I am really conflicted.

You are my Angle

You are my angle
Whenever you sit beside me and hold my hand
Whenever you close your eyes and go to sleep.
And when you look far away saying nothing
I feel you are flying
Then I take your hand
I kiss your eyes
I look where you look, far away
I am flying too
With your wings

I am tired

I am tired of waiting for something.
It is a long time that I am waiting for something to happen.
There was a lot that should happen for us to be able to go back to Iran.
The school, military service, renting the house, money issues...
And now it is almost done, but still there is one more thing to be finished. Citizenship...
and I dont know why I am so weak these days. I am not the strong person that I was before. I feel I dont have any more energy. I cant eat well, every night I have bad dreams and I dont feel happy.
Last night I dreamed of Maryam in my grandmas home , They have a big yard, it was like all the cartoons we watched when we were kids, the mother and the child running to each other and hugging each other at the end. I was running all the yard Maryam was running all the yard and calling me maman maman.

I am back

Hi
I am back to my weblog. I was too busy to write anything here.
I went to Iran on October 1st and I came back to Canada on November 19th. I wnet to stay in Iran but I came back for the citizenship. To become the citizen of the country that I am leaving ...
Maryam is in Iran and she enjoyed staying there a lot. Amin is with me. We miss her a lot these days.
I go shopping some days and try to find something nice for her.
I also watch tv a lot and read a lot.
We went to the movie Australia, it was OK.

I like iran much more than here and I am counting the days to go back again.

IRAN

I am going back to Iran, in two weeks.
To be honest I cant believe it myself. It is similar to when I was coming to Canada. I had strange feelings. Now again I have different feelings, mostly happy, hopefull,...
I dont have a lot of things to loose in Canada. If I had, maybe I was depressed.
But when I think I realise as I did not work for the last two years and I was concerned mostly about my family, so what do I loose? nothing really.
I had five interviews during last year and I could not get one damn job out of these five. I have started to seriously believe that my hijab is keeping me unsuccessfull for hunting a job. I dont like this fact but it is a reality. Although it is supposedly a free society and everything should be the same for different people and and different cultures, but you will see that this is not exactly true.

I have a short time to prepare for my BIG move.

Words

Oh, It is a long time I have not written anything. I guess because my mother in law came to Canada for 50 days and I was busy and didnt feel up to write something.

We went to a few trips that was very fun. Niagara falls, Toronto and Ottawa.
Summer is really beautiful in Canada.

Amin is walking properly now and he also speaks a few words like maman baba bah bah ,Amin (his own name).
He immitates Maryam a lot and he is much more happy when Maryam is around him to paly,
although Maryam loves to go to daycare, her Teddy Bear Classroom.