Amin

Amin has become very sweet these days.
He is saying Bede all the time which means give it to me.
He is imitating our chores like praying(Namaz) or wiping the tables.
He loves music and dancing and he dances with every kind of music.
Whenever he saw an animal or a picture of an animal he says MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU so funny.

two become one

One of them is trying to do her simple jobs during the day, cooking, washing, reading, smiling, walking, talking and she is nice and happy. she is hopeful. she thinks she has everything.

the other one is watching me all the time.
she is worried, depressed, she thinks about the past and the future, she is sad. she wants more, she wants to do more, she is not fulfilled, she is disappointed.

At some points, these two people become one. That is when I am really conflicted.

You are my Angle

You are my angle
Whenever you sit beside me and hold my hand
Whenever you close your eyes and go to sleep.
And when you look far away saying nothing
I feel you are flying
Then I take your hand
I kiss your eyes
I look where you look, far away
I am flying too
With your wings

I am tired

I am tired of waiting for something.
It is a long time that I am waiting for something to happen.
There was a lot that should happen for us to be able to go back to Iran.
The school, military service, renting the house, money issues...
And now it is almost done, but still there is one more thing to be finished. Citizenship...
and I dont know why I am so weak these days. I am not the strong person that I was before. I feel I dont have any more energy. I cant eat well, every night I have bad dreams and I dont feel happy.
Last night I dreamed of Maryam in my grandmas home , They have a big yard, it was like all the cartoons we watched when we were kids, the mother and the child running to each other and hugging each other at the end. I was running all the yard Maryam was running all the yard and calling me maman maman.